As always, great stuff from Rob Delaney.
I wish the people that need to read this would. They probably won’t, but I can hope anyway.
Maybe I love snakes so much because they look like jewelry. Like beautiful, cold, moving necklaces that I want to wear all the time.
My mom’s friend adopted this lovely dog after he was abandoned by his previous family. His name is Shaun. Shaun had always been very good at eating all his food. Every last bit that was, he ate it. One day he started leaving a little bit behind. He wouldn’t eat everything, no matter what. He always left a little behind. Every morning when my mom’s friend checked Shaun’s bowl, the food was gone. That was very strange, because Shaun always spent the night by her side.
One night she decided to investigate the food situation. She waited quietly by the food bowl and then, in the middle of the night, a cat came through the window and ate the remaining food. She noticed the cat was actually pregnant. A week or so later the cat came into her house and gave birth to 6 little kittens. Shaun took care of them as if they were his own babies. My mom’s friend adopted the cat too (her name is Meow) and they took care of the kittens until they all found a loving home. Nowadays Meow and Shaun live happily together as a family and they each have their little bowl of food.
for all animal lovers
Heart exploding.
Sexual activity has absolutely no place in the military”? That will be a surprise to the men and women, of every orientation, who love, marry, and become parents while serving. We have an all-volunteer military whose health relies on its strong ties to civilian life — not a praetorian guard of eunuchs. Does Santorum think that “the military” is a collection of battle scenes in an action movie? Surely not; his father worked for the Veterans Administration, and so he must know better. He also ought to know that there is no “special privilege” here, just the possibility of serving without the special obligation of lying, and the same knowledge other soldiers have that the person they love most might be able to be handed a folded flag if they die. Or is the word “gay” so strong for Santorum that it blotted out the word “soldier
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Amy Davidson on Rick Santorum for the New Yorker The thing about how absolutely embarrassing and puzzling and hurtful and like watching a plane crash these Republican candidates are is that we get some really cool written and spoken responses to them. It’s just never from politicians. And the thing I’m learning as I get older — and it’s kind of discouraging, so I’d advise the 10,000 high school girls who read this to maybe take me with a grain of salt here — but the kind of person who runs for office is almost always categorically an idiot. An idiot to believe they can make a difference, an idiot to believe that they have ideas someone else hasn’t already had, and an idiot to think that capital M Murrica isn’t going to shit on them every step of the way. And sometimes there are people like Anthony Weiner and early-Obama who just have a fire lit under their ass for no apparent reason and you think, “Huh, I don’t know why this person gives this much of a fuck, but I like it! I like this nutjob!” and you root for them — but at the end of the day, they’re humans. They’re humans making decisions for other humans, which is fine in theory if the system you’re operating under… ya know… works, but what we have right now blows. Systematically. And the candidates blow. And the only people capable of articulating it and making salient, interesting arguments are people sitting at their computers and jacking off alone in the shower every night and it’s just, why? Like, I’m a creative writing major, I’m more than aware that I’m ignorant — but why on a theoretical level can’t government and social contract and being a human just be as simple as it feels? Why can’t people make a concerted effort not to be hateful and oppressive? Especially when they’re touting an arcane ancient text as the basis for all logical thought. If I have to tolerate your dubious moral compass, do me a favor and kindly fuck off in regards to my genitals and the genitals of my children, parents, siblings, and peers. Just fuck off. Put it on my tombstone. (via drinkyourjuice) |
